I believe that a loving spirit and creative energy surrounds and passes through each of us, and all of life and nature. One has to be present in the moment to be aware of this energy. A tiny flame within each of us (Love) will act as an inner guide in navigating, clarifying, and illuminating our personal lives, despite the complexities and pressure to conform in today’s society. Within that light, deep down we hold the answers. We must look within for guidance and affirmation along life’s path, for it is only through acceptance that we can find true happiness.
Children can become aware of their own inner light, that they are able to call on their inner resources: creativity, courage, contentedness, acceptance, forgiveness, and happiness.
Imagine if we could have been aware from early on that happiness is not an externally generated commodity. If we could grasp this from a young age, perhaps it wouldn’t be necessary to turn to outside gratification from food, chemicals, electronics, or the constant approval and reassurance of those around us.
Children need to discover who they are in this world, without the constant provision of activity and intervention by adults. Guidance yes; loving encouragement, and exposure to the possibilities, by all means. But trying to mold them into some preconceived notion of perfection, or into the person we wish we had become can only be detrimental to their well-being.
Many years ago, as I was studying in the fields of psychology and education, I had a vision of the perfect setting for young children. It would be rooted in peace; dignity and respect; self-knowledge and acceptance. Creative play, art, and a children’s garden would be the teachers. A strong foundation of environmental awareness; social responsibility; and community service would be the lessons. Diligent effort, kindness, and self-acceptance are the goals.
For years my intention of creating this space became lost in the fog of profound powerlessness in the face of addiction, as I spiraled ever deeper into that dark pit. It wasn’t until I progressed in my sobriety, that I was able to fully embark on this journey.
Thirty years ago, I founded an alternative preschool, or “child garden”, for three and four-year-olds and their families. Growing Places, continues to grow and evolve in all of its stunning beauty; not at all according to original plan, the ripple effect is magnificent. could not have been contrived- as is the case with Life itself. Not only did allow children to blossom, it offered adults an opportunity to nurture their own inner child.
The garden is a grand metaphor for life. Whether it thrives and flourishes, or becomes overrun and choked out by weeds, depends on the care and nurturing it receives.
A life dream is as unique as any garden; neither of which is ready-made nor accurately foreseen. They must each be cultivated, nurtured with love and patience. Conditions need to be right to flourish.
For example, with visions of a magical secret garden space for young children (they themselves filled with the huge capacity for growth and blossom) I clear a bit of the gravel that blankets the play space at Growing Places. I fill a hole with fertile soil and plant a young weeping cherry tree. I imagine the sapling, and the garden that ensues, to be symbolic of the realization of this dream.
Consider the rocky foundation initially provided as the palette for this dream. A thick layer of gravel for use as planting medium is not conducive to the soul nurturing paradise I have envisioned: The speed with which the water, the money, moral support and community involvement runs through the gravel doesn’t allow the root system to absorb the hydration necessary for growth, and the plants wither and die.
The young weeping cherry central to my garden becomes injured; the festering wound could threaten the very life of this vision. Yet with patience and faith that whatever happens will provide further opportunity, it survives these growing pains, becoming all the stronger as a result.
I have come to feel that by providing for children what I was not able to give my own children, and in teaching people what I have learned along the way, that I am somehow making amends for the harm I have caused my loved ones. .
It is the experience of working with children over many years that I would like to share. This is the book I wish I had read as a young mother from a dysfunctional family.
- The following chapters will:
- Allow you to examine where you have come from
- Provide insight into the disease of Alcoholism
- Detail the most basic parenting strategies, illustrating some of the universal situations we are confronted with as we raise our children
- Provide ways in which to nurture our souls, and to discover the beauty in this world.
The bottom line is that it is not necessary to seek relief from our inner yearnings through self-destructive behaviors. In learning a better way of living, we can actually fill the gaping void created within ourselves as a result of trauma from our own childhood. In a sense, we can go back in time and care for ourselves in the way we yearned to be cared for so long ago. We can find our own inner light, wisdom, confidence, and courage, as we guide our children in doing the same.
July 17,2024